So I’ve been with my girlfriend for a while now, and it’s mostly great. She’s amazing, fun, smart, and we have this comfortable vibe together. But there’s one big issue: her dog. She rescued this little guy, and he’s super attached to her, like to the point of obsession.
I love animals too; I have a cat and grew up with dogs, so I thought I’d be fine with it. But this dog has major separation anxiety. He follows her everywhere, won’t let her out of sight, hides treats in her bed, and even tries to…well, you know, ‘get close’ to her arm sometimes. It’s awkward.
Recently, we went to a cabin, and the dog insisted on sharing our bed, constantly moving around, even trying to lay on my head. We also can’t go out to eat or explore new places together because she won’t leave him alone. It feels like everything we do is planned around her dog.
The worst part happened yesterday. I went over to her place, and just as things were getting intimate, her dog jumped on the bed and ‘joined in.’ I was beyond embarrassed. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, suggested things to help her dog be more secure alone, but she doesn’t seem open to changing anything. I feel like she’s not taking my concerns seriously.
How do I explain my feelings in a way that won’t sound like an ultimatum but still get her to understand? I don’t want to ignore this anymore. Would love some advice.
At this point, it sounds like you need to be direct about it. She’s not taking it seriously, so maybe it’s time to let her know this is a dealbreaker. Otherwise, if you keep just mentioning it casually, nothing will change.
Mal said: @Miller
Thanks for your advice! Won’t that come off as an ultimatum?
Yeah, but maybe it needs to. If gentle suggestions haven’t worked and the dog’s behavior is affecting the relationship, it’s fair to set some boundaries. You deserve a relationship where you’re not competing with her dog for attention. It’s either she makes some changes, or maybe you need to rethink things.
Mal said: @Miller
Thanks for your advice! Won’t that come off as an ultimatum?
I don’t think it’s a harsh ultimatum because you’re not asking her to get rid of the dog—just to address his behavior. It’s reasonable to want some boundaries.
How bad is the separation anxiety? Could you just put him in a crate when you want some alone time? Honestly, I think your girlfriend’s making it worse by not setting boundaries with the dog. There are things like calming collars that might help.
@Skyler
He can’t be left alone for even a few minutes. He’ll howl, scratch the door, and try to chew through metal. I think it’s pretty severe. They used to go to training classes, but they stopped after a while.
Mal said: @Lennon
She understands that, but it hasn’t bothered her much because she works from home. The problem only got worse when I started dating her.
Maybe showing her videos or articles about how this affects dogs could help. Some people don’t realize how miserable a dog with this kind of anxiety really is.
She’s letting the dog dictate her life and, by extension, yours too. The dog needs boundaries—no sharing the bed during intimate moments and no following you around constantly. Try crate training or give the dog something to do when you’re together, like a chew toy.
This sounds like a sign for the future. If she can’t take your feelings seriously now, what does that say about other issues you might face down the line?