We just adopted a 14-week-old kitten about a week ago. I know it hasn’t been long, but we’ve been so excited to have her. She’s super jumpy and scared of everything. She doesn’t like being picked up or held. Last night, when my husband tried to pet her, she bit him, and when he reacted in surprise, she started hissing at him. We’ve given her a room of her own, approach her calmly, and keep the noise down. I’m worried this might just be her personality. Has anyone had a similar experience? Will she eventually get used to us, or is this just how she is?
I foster kittens, and my best advice is to give it time. One thing that helps is sitting in the room at her level, maybe once a day, and doing something like reading a book or watching a show. This lets her get used to your presence without feeling threatened. Treats, like squeeze snacks, also help in building trust.
@Weston
I’ve had my cat since February 2020, and she still doesn’t let us get close to her. Every now and then, usually late at night, she’ll approach my husband while he’s on the couch and allow him to pet her for a few seconds. But the moment she sees his other hand move, she’s gone.
Honestly, it depends a lot on the cat. Some cats don’t like being picked up or pet unless it’s on their terms. Try to be patient—it’s hard for pets to adjust to a new place. I’ve heard of the 3-3-3 rule: 3 days for a pet to feel okay eating, 3 weeks to explore, and 3 months to feel fully comfortable. This might take more or less time depending on your kitten. Let her come to you and respect her space.
Treats help too! Those Churu treats can make cats associate your hand with something good. Also, don’t use an auto-feeder right away; hand-feeding builds a connection.
Give her space, but spend time nearby. Don’t make direct eye contact—just look at her briefly, blink slowly, and then go back to what you’re doing.
It’s worth considering the rule of three for adopted pets: 3 months to get comfortable. Your kitten is young, so her personality is still forming. You might have a shy cat, though. I’ve had a timid one for years who’s still scared of a lot of things, but she’s much braver than she used to be.
As for the biting and hissing, she’s telling you to back off. Don’t push her boundaries. Let her come to you when she’s ready.
My first kitten hid for over a week and wouldn’t let me get near him. But after about two weeks, I woke up with him curled up in my hair on the pillow. He was totally fine after that.
Give her time. If you can see that she’s using her litter box, she’s okay. Just be around her so she gets used to your voice and presence. Sitting in her room and reading aloud can help too.
Congrats on your new kitten!
It depends on a lot of factors, like her past and her temperament. Some cats are naturally scaredy-cats, but they do get better over time. Others settle in quickly and you’ll wish they were a little more cautious! Just be patient.
Lots of good advice here! I’d just add, don’t pick her up unless it’s necessary, and when you do, place her gently back down. When approaching, use just one finger for her to sniff before petting. Imagine being small and seeing a big hand coming at you!
The best approach is to maintain the environment (cleaning, feeding, etc.) and otherwise ignore her for now. Place something with your scent, like clothing, in her space so she associates your smell with comfort. Try sitting in the room with her and doing something like scrolling your phone. The idea is to show her you’re not a threat. She’ll eventually approach you out of curiosity.
Once she starts getting closer, don’t rush to touch her. Let her make the first move. Over time, she’ll get more comfortable, and eventually, you can start playing with toys like feather rods to engage her in a fun way.
Have you thought about getting a second kitten as a buddy for her? It might help her feel safer.