Shared cats after a breakup, should they stay together or split?

Seeking Advice
1

Hi everyone,

I made this post because I really need some advice. My ex and I are going through a breakup, and we have two cats that we raised together. We got the first one in December 2021 and the second in January 2022. At the start, they were super close, playing, grooming, even sleeping together.

But over time, things changed. The first cat developed some health issues and had to have her teeth removed due to a condition called FORL. Now they mostly avoid each other and sometimes fight, with fur flying everywhere. The smaller one even waits to eat until the bigger one is done.

My question is: Should we each take one cat, or could separating them make things worse? Has anyone had a similar experience?

2

It sounds like they used to be close, but if they’re fighting now, separating them could actually help. Maybe try having them apart for a while and see how it goes. You could always reconsider joint custody if it doesn’t work out.

3

@Kai
That’s a good idea. But how can you tell if separating them is making things worse?

4

Fin said:
@Kai
That’s a good idea. But how can you tell if separating them is making things worse?

Cats usually make it obvious if they’re upset. They might hide, stop eating, or not use the litter box. But if you’ve just moved them to a new place, give them a couple of weeks to adjust before assuming something is wrong.

5

Fin said:
@Kai
That’s a good idea. But how can you tell if separating them is making things worse?

If they were really bonded, you might hear them crying for each other and searching. But if they seem calmer and healthier apart, that’s a sign it was the right move.

6

I went through this. My ex kept two cats that were somewhat friendly with each other, and they’re doing even better now. I took the cat that never got along with the others, and she’s so happy as an only pet—she plays more, doesn’t hide, and loves to cuddle now. Your cats might really benefit from being apart.

7

I’d separate them. Cats show stress quickly, and the signs are usually obvious. From what you’ve described, they might actually be happier apart.

8

I think they’d do better as only cats. It sounds like separating them would be best for everyone.

9

Yeah, I’d separate them. If one or both are female, that can sometimes cause extra tension, since they usually like having their own space.

10

I’m no expert, but it does sound like one cat might be bullying the other. Sometimes this happens when a cat gets sick or weaker, and the other sees them as different or less familiar. Your breakup might be a good chance to give them both some peace.

11

I’d separate them. It sounds like they’re both stressed and need space from each other.

12

Separating them seems like a good call. When moving them to new homes, try using a cat pheromone diffuser to help them adjust. They can be a bit expensive, but they really help reduce anxiety.